Sachertorte – The Best Birthday Cake

I ate this. It was incredibly delicious.

lille karo

Long time no see! Ever since I started my new job, I’m struggling to find time for the more pleasurable things in life, such as writing blog posts. However,  now that I’m back, here’s an incredibly delicious recipe. 

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Week 1 – First Impressions

lille karo

Exactly one week ago I said goodbye to Vienna, my family and my boyfriend and hopped on a plane to Copenhagen. I was devastated at that point. Saying goodbye is a hard thing to do even though I’ll be back home for a week in October. Also, there are magical things like FaceTime and Whatsapp that make it easy for us to stay in touch at any time. Technology is a great thing, you know. 

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10 Tips for Finding an Accommodation in Copenhagen

lille karo

Finding a place to stay in Copenhagen is a nightmare! No kidding! I’ve been following different Facebook-pages where people offer and search for accomodation and, gosh, I am so happy I have found a nice place to live weeks ago. Posts like “What do I have to do to find a place to live? Do I have to donate a kidney or what?” or “Help! I’m homeless! Looking for a room ASAP!” aren’t rare.

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My Most Recent Epiphany.

It’s been a while since I’ve last blogged, or even written about anything other than the topics assigned to me at school. Admittedly, I don’t think I have nearly enough “fans” who care about how often, or whether at all I post, not to mention what I choose to write about, but that doesn’t seem to prevent me from continuing to feel strangely drawn to the idea of keeping this thus far rather personal diary alive.

So what’s new? Quite a bit, actually. Most of it pertains to such delicate issues that I won’t be sharing any of the details through a public medium such as this for obvious reasons, but if you know me, you should also know that I’d anyhow rather write about how I feel than what made me feel the way I do.

A good friend of mine said to me a few days ago, “you worry too much.” And it’s true – I did. Over the last couple of weeks I began to develop a habit of seeing everything with a strange, and for me unusually grim attitude, and it made most of my life’s complications incredibly difficult to deal with. I’m not sure I know what made me lose my ability to not take life too seriously, or when exactly it began, but for a brief moment I did, and the person I turned into as a result was one I do not want to be ever again.

It’s actually quite fascinating how daunting and dark the world looks to those who decide to perceive life in a certain negative way, and how much of your inner despair reflects onto your surroundings, thus creating the reaction you’re already expecting to get. Once you’ve starred into this abyss of human psyche, the prospect of chronic depression isn’t such a distant and unrealistic one any longer, but that doesn’t mean one has to succumb to it.

Over the last couple of days I’ve finally realized how little of who I had become, I wanted to be, and so I forced myself to let the little, seemingly unimportant things in life make me happy again. Life can be amazingly complicated, and often requires both physical and emotional sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth all the suffering in the end. And let’s be honest, if it weren’t for the pain we occasionally subject ourselves to, some of the more precious things in life wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful.

I’m flying away now, bye bye…

When I’m afraid of something that I know I cannot or should not escape from, I usually end up drifting into a state of mind in which I become terrified to move emotionally. The time before I left was one in which I was in such a state of mind. What is the last thing you do with the people you care about before leaving when you aren’t sure when you’ll see them again?

When I was with Anouk I felt similarly. I preferred to do nothing, rather than something that could potentially have a significant impact on both our lives. It’s probably the dumbest way to behave in any situation, and especially in a relationship, but I guess not everyone knows that at 21. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Over the last (almost) four weeks I had an amazing time back here in Germany. Seeing everything from more of an outsider’s perspective was quite the interesting experience, which does not mean I didn’t feel at home right away. I know that I’m happy with most of my choices, but I also can’t pretend not missing everyone tremendously, even those who were not that close to me to begin with. And yet there is something worse than that feeling of melancholy; it’s looking into someone’s eyes and seeing that sad glint, that desperate look of panic, knowing that you are about to leave soon. During the last few days I was almost terrified to look into anyone’s eyes for too long, afraid his or her look may pull me down instantaneously. I just wish no one would have to suffer because of my admittedly rather selfish decisions.

Interestingly there’s also a positive aspect to being so far away from home. I’ve reestablished old friendships that I used to be convinced had withered a long time ago. Being aware of the little time that is at my disposal forces me to appreciate every little moment so much more, an awareness that I had almost lost entirely before I left. It may sound cheesy, but we don’t live forever, and that’s something we too often like to forget.

Germany

There was a moment the night before I moved out when I suddenly realized what I was doing, what I was sacrificing, whom I was leaving behind. For a second my whole venture of moving to the US felt like the dumbest idea I had ever had. It was like my brain clicked and decided it was time to force me into thinking of a million reasons why not leaving would be a brilliant move. A rationally brilliant move. But life’s decisions rarely have anything to do with reason, and so I turned my brain off, closed my eyes and started running.

Running turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. I still miss Germany more often than not, which is why I was thrilled to hop on a plane and see my friends and family for a late Christmas and an on-time New Year’s. Now that I’m finally here, eight days after stepping onto a snow and ice covered airfield in Frankfurt, I feel like it’s time for me to do some reflecting.

If there is one thing in life that terrifies me, then it’s the idea of being stuck in one place for too long. The freedom to move, or in other words to just hop on a plane and leave to anywhere on the planet is incredibly important to me. I’m not sure if that’s a result of the four years I spent in India as a child, or whether it’s a genetic flaw that I’ve inherited from my parents.

Either way it’s a good thing my sister has just been hired as a stewardess by one of the world’s most prestigious and renowned airlines, the German Lufthansa. Word on the street is that she can take along two friends of her liking (for free) on any and every flight she works on, not to mention provide all members of her family with incredibly cheap tickets (remember, I’m her brother). Even better is that she will actually be the first person to make good on her promise to visit me in Frisco. Her first flight to SF is at the beginning of February. Man, I’m so excited.

So yeah, being back in Germany is great. What’s better, however, is knowing that I will always have a home here. Being able to enjoy the many privileges of living in a city like San Francisco, while calling a place like Germany my second (or first?) home is one of the dreams I’ve always had as a child for when I grow up.